Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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