Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How naked do you want me to be?
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