Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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