the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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