Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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