is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
