Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I met the friendliest cop last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
