im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
