they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
