this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
