i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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