She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
