It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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