I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
