my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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