God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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