Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drake has all the answers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
