We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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