i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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