Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
