I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
