then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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