Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
