Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
