haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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