The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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