I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
