She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
