I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
