Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
