dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
