Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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