dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
