woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
