she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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