Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
