On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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