Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
