oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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