I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
