Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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