you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
