I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
