honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
