i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
