so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
