There was a lot of him and a little penis
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
