Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
