who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
