Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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