Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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