Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
