I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
