saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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