that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need to stop coming to work sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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