He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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